I notice a trend in my life, in other blogger’s lives, and in human beings in general. It’s of helplessness and hopelessness: being a victim of who you are and your circumstances.
I created this blog to take the stones thrown at me by life and create a castle out of them. For now, it’s what serves me – telling my story not to inspire others, but so that others in similar situations don’t feel so alone, that they may find strength in solidarity.
Oftentimes in the chronically ill community it is said that you have to cut out negativity in your life, and this includes friends. I recently did this with a particularly demeaning and diminutive friend.
She had always struck me as a snaggle-toothed, mousy girl who was kind-hearted but self-absorbed. Day and night she would text me her problems, but didn’t have time for mine. She belittled my diagnoses and insulted my wedding dress.
Eventually she turned out to be racist, sexist, and homophobic. This led me to the ethical questions of being so close to her. Was it wise to be associated with someone who thought such hateful thoughts and assumed they were mine as well when I couldn’t be more different? Is it okay to let yourself be friends with people who are so prejudiced? Does that mean you condone that line of thinking?
Ultimately, a racist statement and her general selfish mannerisms led me to cut ties.
She lived her life thinking she was a victim – always a problem, never having the power to solve it. While demeaning socialism she was a job hopper on minimum wages living with her parents and had a bachelor’s degree from a supposedly reputable private school.
Everything always happened to her. This was how she went from being a newspaper journalist to working at a Goodwill. She didn’t take back her power before power took her.
As for me, I admit I fall into the power trap as we all do at times. Sometimes I curse my pain and how I have no control. We may not have a say in the hands we’re dealt, but we can learn how to play them.