My husband and I promised each other when we got married we would do a vow renewal each year and spend our anniversary on a trip together. I always envisioned us going to a beach, sneaking off to a part of the sand, and whispering our vows into each other’s ears.
Yesterday, my husband declared he had loftier intentions.
As I’ve written in previous posts, my dream since I was a preteen was to get married at DisneyWorld. I wanted to be a princess on my wedding day, and most of all, have a full package at my favorite giant corporation’s dollar. But I developed various autoimmune disorders a month after I got engaged to my husband, and had to stay near home.
Husband told me he wanted to take me to DisneyWorld for a vow renewal.
Excited, we went to disneyweddings.com and tried to get our date basically a year from now (December, not April). I know, silly. We should wait for our 50th. But we’ve had a hard year, starting with my engagement. He wanted to give me what I couldn’t have and we deserved to celebrate.
A few years ago, I came across a slew of articles against teaching kids the importance of self-confidence and self-worth. These articles were on reputable websites such as Huffington Post around 2011.
At the time, I felt something acute pierce my chest, a sort of pallid, sudden sadness for these authors who blamed Disney and participation trophies for their own failures. It was pathetic. Couldn’t they see that pointing fingers at children’s movies was embarrassing and only they were in control of how they reacted to their lives, not a woe-earned participation trophy in fourth grade?
As I grew older, I saw more pointed blame at elementary school gifted and talented programs. Why? Because the child was told they were special, and they didn’t have to earn it.
Let me tell you a few things I have always believed that nobody ever taught me:
All individuals are unique, there are no unique individuals or nonconformists because we are all born under different circumstances and think different thoughts. We are all unique nonconformists.
Everyone is inherently divine and has a light inside them, which makes them worthy of respect. It doesn’t matter if you’re the lawyer or the janitor in the office. Most of us have flipped a burger at least once and we all fall on hard times.
This means you are special, you are worthy, and you don’t have to earn it.
Thing is, I believed this for other people. I didn’t believe it for myself.
This meant these thoughts were inauthentic, because if you don’t hold these three key truths for yourself, you will never go all the way genuinely in your mind and actions for anyone else.
What you’ll end up being is a ditherer – a washout – who is a mouse of a person. People will push you around and you’ll think it’s okay because of the three principles. They are inherently special, so you have to do what they say. But because you don’t hold yourself to be inherently special, your self-esteem suffers, and you begin to think nasty thoughts about these other people. The people who “push you around” may not even be pushing you around, they might be decent, ordinary humans trying to get on with their lives. But your warped point of view has them out to be devils. Or the pushers really could be pushy – your lack of self-esteem has driven you to choose bad friends.
What’s the point here? If you see your loved ones as hecklers, you aren’t going to love them well. You will make yourself out to be a victim. Yes, you might have good reasons – a troubled past, or a Disney movie (Bambi is very traumatic) but at the end of the day, being the loving, kind self you think you are starts with being loving and kind to yourself. Maybe start with Wreck-It-Ralph and work your way up.
With the onset of COVID-19, I’ve seen many distressed brides grieving the loss of their wedding dates. Some brides have been planning for over two years only to have their hard work and dreams wiped away. To you, I apologize for this post, and take consolation in my disappointments in my own wedding.
It’s hard to look at my wedding photos anymore because of wedding regrets. I have many, and my biggest golden kernel of advice to couples is this:
Never, never EVER let someone else pay for your wedding. Not if you’re marrying a trust funder, not if your parents are insisting, not if you can’t pay yourself. Save up your dollars and have an extended engagement, then use those cold hard Benjamins to have the wedding YOU want.
Why am I saying this?
When you pay for your own wedding, you have complete control over how the wedding goes on. If your mother or your in-laws are calling the shots because you’re too broke or you’re used to taking hand-outs from your rich parents, guess what, it’s technically their show.
My wedding was a nightmare. It was thrown together in 48 hours after my parents decided I was getting married a day early in their house, not at our friend’s venue, and our guest list was going from 80 to 20. Because of the short notice and that it was being held on a week night, none of my friends could get off work so they couldn’t come. It was me and my husband’s family, who I had issues with. There was no music, no dancing, no fun. This was the opposite of how I wanted it.
The door bell even rang as we had our first kiss.
Additionally, I was in pain the whole time, and my face looks horrible in pictures. It’s in a huge frown because of the physical and emotional discomfort I felt.
So, my parents insisted on paying for my wedding, and they forced me to jump ship on my already planned one for an emergency Bridezilla catastrophe because they held the purse strings.
So, what did I originally want?
I wanted to get married at Cinderella’s Castle in Disney World in the summer. My husband vetoed, saying his parents wouldn’t come to a theme park for a wedding. So my next step was to go the traditional route for my parent’s religion, and get married at our friend’s children’s camp. I tried to order catering from Freebirds, also vetoed by in-laws. I quickly realized I was going to have to miraculously turn beer into champagne on my meager budget.
I planned a country wedding at my parent’s behest and with their dollar. But I had been dreaming about a Disney wedding ever since I learned about them at age 13.
Bear and I should have saved up money to go to Disney World, or some other place nearby. That way, we would have been in control.
If you’re unable to wait to get married on champagne tastes, or even beer tastes, please consider a court house. Halfway through wedding planning you’ll be dying to run to one anyhow.
But really, is there any such thing as being in complete control of your wedding?
Remember, wedding regrets are normal. But there’s a big way to avoid catastrophe wedding regrets: take the reins.
The best way to not have wedding regrets in the midst of COVID-19? Focus on the love of your life.
All in all, I do not regret getting married. There is a big difference between wedding and married. I had wanted to get weddinged in the summer, however, we all know this crazy coronavirus mess is going on right now and we don’t know when it’s going to end. I’m currently riding out the coronapocalypse with my sexy awesome husband who I love very much, and am extremely glad to have married! I just wish he could have been my official Prince Charming in Cinderella’s Castle, possibly in December when we had wed.
Whenever I would ask her about it, she would talk about it as if it were some frivolous, silly thing. That is, until I told her I wanted to be a pilot. That I wanted to fly Cessnas.
Yes, I want to be a bush pilot. I want to fly people out into the middle of nowhere, go on adventures up in the sky, and I want to write about my adventures. My big dream is to see the world from up above and chronicle it all.
My hands aren’t working right now, but I’ll close out with some wisdom from Disney’s Cinderella:
“Have faith in your dreams and someday Your rainbow will come smiling through No matter how your heart is grieving If you keep on believing The dream that you wish will come true”
For now, I have Google Earth Pro’s flight simulator. With my hand’s being messed up I keep crashing my little propeller plane. Maybe once Bear and I get through these crazy medical bills, I can get a joystick.