A Disabled Body is an “Every Body”

I love my beta readers. Without them The Disability-Friendly Wedding Planner would not exist. Most of them are my family, so I owe them my life. However, I struggle with my beta readers from an ideological standpoint. This is something very real.

Before the book changed its name and content, my beta readers were great. They still are great, but with much crappery.

When the book transitioned to The Disability-Friendly Wedding Planner, things changed between me and my beta readers. I told my beta readers I wanted to include men, they responded men weren’t to do any wedding planning. Then, when I said I wanted to include genderqueer people, they responded with, “But they already have wedding books. Everything is already about them. You see them everywhere.”

Them. Them should be a curse word, unless you’re referring to gender-neutral pronouns.

We live in an Us vs. Them world, where many people see themselves as an US, while everyone else is a THEM. Thems are subhuman, immoral, and undeserving of what US have. Us are kind, intelligent, noble, moral, and good. Us deserves their rights and protection.

Ultimately, Us does not understand Them.

There is a way to be a Them on multiple levels, an Us on multiple levels, or partially an Us and partially a Them. This is called intersectionality – the blend of a person’s social identities that either brings them a cocktail of power and/or submission.

For queer disabled folx, they have many blends of social identities that make them a big ol’ THEM to the white, cisgender, Christian folks that have been volunteering to read my book.

Not everyone like that THEMS folx, but a few do. I hope with my book, the thems of the world are exposed as US to somebody – a lot of somebodies – and eventually everyone.

Good day.

If you are a good person, hit me up in the comments. Please help me with my project. Please please please. Even if you aren’t queer, if you have chronic illness or a disability, this project can help you. This book is a traditional wedding planner for everybody – and I mean every BODY. A disabled body is an every BODY. People never realize it, but in the blink of an eye, the progression of age, anyone and everyone eventually becomes disabled. Just think of your 80 year old grandma, or how I went to athletic and active to occasionally using a mobility aid and unable to walk my dog.

A disabled body is an every BODY, so the book includes everybody.

Conducting Research: THE DISABILITY-FRIENDLY WEDDING PLANNER

The whole point of The Differently Abled Bride Guide is to help people. I want to help people by letting them know they are not alone, provide practical advice and inspiration, and ultimately show the world we exist. We are here, we are loved, and need to be treated fairly.

While I’ve been promoting and asking for research for grooms, a kind fellow member of the Chronic Illness Network informed me that Differently Abled is a slur. When I was in University, before I became disabled, I learned that Differently Abled was how to refer to a disabled person.

I admit that I grapple with the term disabled, as I assume many do, which led to the original title of the book. Usually I rejected the term because of able-bodied friends throwing shade at me or they could not believe that the high achieving, hyperactive, goal-oriented girl who wanted to save the world couldn’t go to the grocery store without a mobility aid because…. she had some Whiner McBabypants fake disease like fibromyalgia. People with fibromyalgia weren’t “supposed to have this problem.” I had something else, it was my husband, I should be a better vegan… You know, I’m sure, if you’re reading this, how it goes.

Honestly I wanted to be able to catch those with invisible disabilities who didn’t have the image of disabled in their heads in this book as they are covered as well. The book also covers wheelchair users, paraplegia, the blind, the Deaf, and other classically-thought-of nomenclatures of disability.

The project is renamed The Disability-Friendly Wedding Planner and will cover brides, grooms, and non-binary folx who are disabled. I need people to interview, so please consider contributing to the project.

If you would like to help my project, email me or comment on this blog.