The book of love

It’s almost a month left until my wonderful, creekside spoonie wedding, and I’m left with some thoughts.

Photo credit: Tauni Joy photography

Communication is hard. Love is hard. It can be scary. Love is a literal battlefield, but as long as you and your partner are on the same team fighting for each other, it’s worth it.

Photo credit: Tauni Joy photography

To take someone as they are every day is a blessing and a challenge. My fiancé has Aspergers and cannot smile on command, as seen in the photos. He can smile in real life. When these photos were taken a few months ago, he was coming down with shingles and feeling sick.

Photo credit: Tauni Joy photography

He tried his best to smile. The next day when the shingles appeared I drove him to the doctor despite my own illness showing up and not being able to drive very well. But I cherish these precious photos – the colors, the lights, the way we accidentally matched.


I ordered my engagement photos dress from Chic Wish, which I was initially afraid was a scam. But the dress came in, and it fit! It was the most unique thing I had ever seen, and matched my fiancé’s seersucker and khaki ensemble. Plus it made me feel beautiful.

It can be hard to feel beautiful in my new body. I looked through my old photos of selfies over the years and I looked at my model days. I look sicker than I do now – face all hollowed out, giant under eye bags.

And with that, a recap:

Pocket full of starlight: loving yourself and someone else is worth it though not mutually exclusive.

Pocket full of darkness: all the things they tell you about love aren’t really true. The truth you find comes for your own self.

Photo credit: Tauni Joy photography